I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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