You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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