Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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