Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
