Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
