Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
