I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
