I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
