Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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