Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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