You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
