he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
