How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
