mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
