Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
