That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
