Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
