If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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