I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
