it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
