just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
