So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
false alarm. still invincible.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
