apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
