So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
