woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
