He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
