you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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