is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
