Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
