They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
