coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
