It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
