Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
