actually, I'm a sock model
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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