I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's just like the Real World with babies
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
