You can't special order awesome
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
