My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
