Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
