Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
please come you make the beer taste better
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
