what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
