we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
