My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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