We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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