she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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