my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
