with your own penis?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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