is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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