i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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