Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
