the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
