Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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