Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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